Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
