do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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