okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
