I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
