I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
