i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
