i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
