when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My feet surprised me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
