My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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