i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
