he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
