We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
