hotel room ftw
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
