friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
