There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
