i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
