I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
