I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
