Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
