Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
