why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
