She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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