There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
