so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
