hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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