Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
