i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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