guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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