I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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