She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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