I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
