A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
