Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
