He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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