I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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