2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
