So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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