...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
