Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Drunk is a universal language darling
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