the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
