Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
