It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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