All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
