if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
