Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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