Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
