Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
