nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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