I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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