peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
