You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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