clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
