just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
