so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
