I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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