do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
