We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
